mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
