Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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