How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
