It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
