Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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