Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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