One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
