i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
