Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
