I'm going to jail i love you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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