you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
