no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
