I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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