Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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