I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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