Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
COCAINE IS GR8
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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