I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
