I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
