if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
