I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
