I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
vagina is talking i cant
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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