She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
