I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
