3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
