Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
