Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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