Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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