Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
