At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
