Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
