Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
