Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
