Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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