I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
