I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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