So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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