Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You made out with two different species that night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
