I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
