According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
