By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
