the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sext me about skeletons
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
