How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
