Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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