Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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