I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
