Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
