i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
