ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
