Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
