Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
