she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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