Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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