i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
