Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
