$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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